I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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