May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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