Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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