nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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