why didn't you poke me back
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
