we're chasing vodka with high fives
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
