did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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