When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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