If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
