omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
