I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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