I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she looked like the before picture.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
