it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
