I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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