At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
