I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
