i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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