You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
