Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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