Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
