Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You don't make any sense
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