My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
