Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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