He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
