that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
