My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i now understand why vodka
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
