are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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