Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
