I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
