some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
