Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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