drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
