I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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