The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
