Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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