Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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