So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
