we have pet lesbian snakes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
