You smell like stripper and shame
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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