after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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