can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
