Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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