I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
