We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
