I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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