Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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