I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
