there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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