whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
