she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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