I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
