I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
