just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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