If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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