i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Too much gin, very little bucket
I checked into jail on foursquare
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
