Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
