i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
