know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize