very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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