I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
