Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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