Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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