I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
