Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
