So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize