So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
third nipple confirmed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
