SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
