Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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