My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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