epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
