I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
